Earlier this week, United Airlines retired their final Boeing 747 jumbo jet with a big celebration. Which got me thinking about antics on 747′s. Unfortunately I didn’t really find any, just plane crashes.
However, I did remember this guy. The guy who pooped on a drink cart. Was he on a 747? I’m not sure.
I originally heard about this about a decade ago. This whole time, I thought it was a young guy who climbed several seats, and climbed on the drink cart during beverage service, and laid one out right on the cart for all to see. Like that time Cartman pooped on Mr. Garrison’s desk:
Nope. This was a guy in his fifties. Tony Kornheiser of the Washington Post believed the same thing too, back when this happened in October of 1995:
First-class passenger Gerard Finneran, 58, president of an investment banking company, allegedly got so drunk and abusive on a recent flight from Buenos Aires to New York, and so steamed that he would not be served additional drinks, that he climbed atop the service cart like an orangutan, dropped his pants, and
Note to copy desk: Please insert some classy euphemism here, so we don’t lose any additional readers.
… delivered a cruller.
Talk about being three sheets to the wind: Finneran then allegedly used the first-class linen napkins to, um, tidy up afterward. How’s that for a coup de gross? Lucky he wasn’t in coach, with those paper napkins the texture of acoustic tile. 1
This is what really happened according to a flight attendant whose husband was also on the plane:
Things settled down for a while and everyone believed the worst was over. After the meal was served, a few flight attendants went to the 11th row and drew the curtains. Attendants are required to rest during international flights. Then Sharon Manskar felt her seat shaking. She said she stood up and was shoved through the curtains with both hands by Finneran, who then went into the first-class galley and began rummaging around. It was then that he pulled down his pants and relieved himself on the small serving cart, then locked himself in a lavatory. “There was human excrement everywhere,” said Manskar, “on the walls, on the linen napkins, on the walls of first one lavatory and then the other.
” Food service was canceled. The pilot wanted to land in San Juan but was not given clearance because of the dignitaries on board. Unscheduled landing with a head of state is a security risk. Finneran’s flying companion and business colleague, Susan Bergan, was enlisted to help get Finneran out of the lavatory. They manipulated the lock, and Finneran, who was filthy by then, and Bergan made their way back to their seats, according to a witness. “She took him by the hand, even though he was [soiled everywhere], puts her head on his shoulder and they went to sleep,” the witness said. “The stench was overwhelming,” said Manskar, “so we threw a blanket over them.
” They still had four hours to go to reach Kennedy Airport, and the crew sprayed Lagerfeld cologne up and down the aisles. 2
As posted above in the Newsweek blurb, he had to pay big money afterward. I don’t get that diarrhea defense. That doesn’t make you go decide to go poop on a beverage cart.
1. Kornheiser, Tony, “COFFEE, TEA OR … ?,” Washington Post, October 29, 1995. https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/lifestyle/1995/10/29/coffee-tea-or/a610cd4d-b85a-4dd3-aeb9-4fa95b6daceb/?utm_term=.252f6775e696 .
2. Stasi, Linda, “BOORISH BIZ FLIER RODE NO CLASS,” New York Daily News, November 2, 1995. http://www.nydailynews.com/archives/news/boorish-biz-flier-rode-no-class-article-1.708654 .
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