December 2015 – saleintothe90s

246. Seventeen, April 1994, part 1

(external images, click on grey boxes. I had to watermark everything, in case Buzzfeed copies my stuff again–which they will.)

A spring magazine during the holiday season? Yes. Because Mariah stands for Christmas.

Remember the black and white alternative “All I want for Christmas” video? I only saw it one time on vh1 on Christmas Eve ‘94 or ‘95, and that was pretty much it. This was the only good copy on YouTube, and to get around copyrights, the uploader had to put the original video in the background of the black and white video.

This is for Navy White, but I remember Charlie White, mom bought it for me right before 8th grade in 1996. It stunk. It made one of my metal lunchbox purses smell bad.

That’s hideous. Sharon from My So Called Life would wear this. Angela would wear her tye-dye Grateful Dead shirt over a black one piece.

If Sue from The Middle was around 1994, this would be her.

Gabrielle Reece was everywhere around this time. The Olympics were not for another 2 years. She also filmed a Pert commercial around this time.

Take Your Daughter to Work Day was in its second year.

Mariah would never wear Maybelleine. She’s also sporting the dark lip liner + clear lip gloss look.

It’s impossible these days to find the liquid Neutrogena with the black pump. I bet it smells heavenly. I love that strange spicy scent of the “orange band” soap.

That is the curly hair of my deams that my hair will never aspire to.

Those long flowery brown dresses were always so unflattering on us.

That’s not a good pose.

I remember this Ban Clear being one of the earliest"clear craze" products I ever bought when I was 9 or 10, and I had to try another deodorant after Teen Spirit made me itch. The other clear craze products I had was Crystal Pepsi (nope, I didn’t get any for xmas from the Pepsi Pass app contest), and that clear Wylers drink mix that tasted like watermelon, but was *~clear~*. It looks like its still for sale?

Those top shoes in “straw fiesta” are so Elaine Benes.

All the “out of Africa” shoes are Elaine Benes too. All the “Grecian Formula” shoes are ugly.

This is going to be a “several parter”. I’m nowhere near Mariah.

245. Siskel & Ebert’s Holiday Gift Guide for 1987

I was late with everything this holiday. Even with my loves Siskel & Ebert.

The beginning of the special begins with Siskel explaining the Winky Dink & You playset re-release that was a sheet of film kids could place on the TV to draw along with the host. “Kids always forgot [to put the sheet on], and parents went nuts”. Remember when Muppet Babies had a similar setup?

Gene draws eyebrows on Aunt Martha. Ebert plays with the LJN VideoArt while Gene makes fun of him. I thought Video Art looked familiar….. I had seen a video years ago where a critic tried to play with it, and it was just awful. It mainly just drew straight lines, like the ones Roger made and Gene made fun of.

See? The man in the video I posted was trying to color. Siskel knew it was a crap product way back in 1987.

Gene actually suggests a Cover Girl guide to makeup with Christie Brinkley videotape as a holiday gift.

“What does foundation do? A lot!”

He also recommends a Larry Hagman (JR on Dallas) stop smoking instructional tape! Roger recommends A Christmas Story. This might be the earliest recommendation I’ve ever seen for this film, which as we all know by know flopped in the box office in 1983, but became popular through airings on TBS in the late 80s and early 90s.

Gene suggests Roxanne, which reminded me. A few days before I graduated from Mary Baldwin and moved away from Staunton in 2010, I was at the local library’s book sale. While there, I found Erols (the local video/tv/internet company at the time) rental dvds. I found Roxanne:

I didn’t buy it. These boxes were HUGE compared to regular vhs cases. Here is a commercial for Erol’s Video Club. Go rent a copy of the making of Thriller!

Oh oh oh, back to Roxanne. There was a man at my church back when I was little who had a large nose, and I remember thinking, “is he Roxanne?” because you know, being 4, 5 years old, you think Steve Martin is Roxanne because you’ve only seen the commercials.

Gene has that Panasonic VCR that came with the wand that you scanned barcodes with to set timer recordings more easier. Oh man, I wanted that VCR so bad as a kid. Now that I have a job where I scan ibsn’s all day, doesn’t sound so fun now. The commercial was one of the first old commercials I ever watched on YouTube back in 2006. Warning, scary talking hand face is scary.

Ha, Gene set it to timer record his own show. Roger then shows us a “super vhs” player, which was a format nobody bought. It was $1200! There wasn’t movies available for it yet in 1987! Roger also shows a Laserdisc player, which they call “laservision”.

They even broke out the Fisher Price pxl 2000 TV that only shot black & white video on cassette tapes. They made a mini movie:

The quality is so bad, but I think Roger made a youtube poop of Citizen Kane.

Gene put on a Roger mask. Looks almost like the JibJab of its day. There are some hobbyists who still shot on the pxl.

Here is the highlight of the show. Roger & Gene play Duck Hunt on the original Nintendo. Duck Hunt, Super Mario World and Tetris are the only Nintendo games I ever enjoyed playing. ‘Just wasn’t into video games. Roger only shoots one duck. Gene shot two. Gene prefers the Sega Master System to the Nintendo.

I was so afraid that this was going to be me at The Force Awakens last week. Thankfully the real3d glasses fit over my huge glasses.

Gne didn’t like Barbie and the Rockers. He said that barbie didn’t look like Barbie and Ken didn’t look like Ken. He thought the Teddy Ruxpin cartoons were boring.

Gene liked this video though. Up Close with the little boy from the last few seasons of The Facts of Life and he was in the Garbage Pail Kids Movie too!

You would think that would be the worst video holiday gift, but nope, at the end Gene and Roger have their picks for the worst.

Gene’s:

Lady Lovely Locks

It was a video that was personalized where if the partent sent the video company a pic of their kid, the kids’s pic was put in the movie. Much like Rod’s mall kiosk video on The Simpsons. I laughed so hard at this pic of Gene. Then I hurt myself because I pulled some muscles putting away my food processor on Christmas Eve. Oops.

Roger:

The Zapper

Some report control attachment where you didn’t have to point your remote directly at the TV anymore. It was $25!

Recap of Christmas entries from Christmases past

saleintothe90s:

28. A blow by blow account of “A Muppet Family Christmas” (December 16,1987)

27. Folgers PETAH commercial

24. My Christmas Ornaments of the 1980s and 1990s

23. TV Guide Kraft TV Special Recipe Collection, December 6, 1986

21. Sue Bee Honey Walnut Fruit Salad (1997? 1998?)

67. MTV “eggnog” promo (1995)

26. Christmas Commercials of the 1980s and 1990s Playlist

107. Christmas newspaper clippings part 1

108. Santa packs are coming (1995)

132. Christmas in July: Night Court (December 17, 1987)

160. January 1995’s predictions for the hot toys of December 1995 (Newsweek, January 23, 1995)

163. That time Raymond was in Christmas boxers sweeping and singing “In the Ghetto” (1997)

109. Seventeen, December 1996, part 2

109. Seventeen Magazine, December 1996 (part 1)

245. Siskel & Ebert’s 1987 gift giving guide.

244. The big list of favorite commercials

Wow. I gotta post a warning on this. Dork alert head.

This list isn’t in any order, just memorable commercials that I wanted to share for Christmas.

Cinch (from my personal collection, 1991)

A Shelly Long impersonator on my Troop Beverly Hills tape.

Stove Top Microwave Stuffing (from my personal collection, 1990)

YEAH!

Colgate Mouthwash (1988)

I love this packaging. I notice in most of these dental commercials from the late 1980s, tartar was the enemy. Why did we always associate the color gold with tartar control back then? as it because tartar can turn your teeth a dull gold kind of color?

Vaseline Lip Therapy (1987)

I love her lighting up the chapstick, and her lisp when she says, “lipth”.

Burger King International Chicken Sandwiches (1991)

WHY IS HE KISSING HER. I THOUGHT THEY WERE COWORKERS EATING AT BK BEFORE GOING BACK TO WORK. Oh man, I just scrolled down and I made the same comment on the video 3 years ago.

Diet Coke with Elton John (from my personal collection, 1990)

I love Diet Coke. I love Elton John. I don’t love the cheezy dead celebrities overlaid in the modern commercial effect though. I love that kicky little hat of Elton’s.

Canada Dry with Scott Bakula (1980s)

I don’t understand why they’re at a 1950s prom. Or a prom run by a nursing home.

Heinz Ketchup ‘n Onions (1987)

‘Cuz its gross.

“Give ‘em all a little pat of butter” (1988)

Because this one time I put too much Parkay in my Zataran’s rice and it made me sick for days. No more Parkay after that day.

LensCrafters, 1989 (Binkie McFartnuggets edition, 2011)

I cheated and put a dub in. I love it so much tho. Those aren’t glasses, they’re goggles!

Freedom Rock (from my personal collection, 1988)

IS THAT FREEDOM ROCK MAN?! WELL THEN TURN IT UP, MAN.

A&E Second CIty promo with Steve Carell (from my personal collection, 1993)

Steve just likes to hang out with all his friends.

Polaroid with Gonzo (1981)

Oh god. Prepare to cry.

Banner TP (1984)

I knew I didn’t make up a talking roll of t.p. I’d see either on TV or on t.p. packaging when I was little. When I found this commercial in college several years ago I nearly flipped out. I was like, “THERE HE IS. THAT TALKING ROLL OF TOILET PAPER”. Thankfully, I lived in a single dorm by then.

The Coffee Achievers with Cicely Tyson (1983)

I don’t understand the Coffee Achievers, its just clips of successful people (David Bowie, Jane Curtain), that “hold on tight to your dreams” song, and Cicely learning how to stage slap a hot guy.

Jayne Kennedy for Tab (1984)

SO LET’S TASTE NEW TAB.

Garry Shandling for American Express (late 80s)

Aunt Bernice > Garry’s mom.

James Earl Jones for Bell Atlantic Yellowpages (1994 or 1995, my personal collection)

I used to read the Yellowpages when I was little. I was a bored kid during the Summer, and I would look at the ads for the stores. I think I had a toy phone too. For some reason, my parents would keep three years worth of Yellowpages at a time back then. I remember one year we got a Donnelly Directory with Wile E. Coyote on the cover.

233. Tap Lights Commercial (1999)

Okay, so this morning I was watching the new Star Wars, and there is a scene where two well known characters are placing detonators somewhere. The detonators stuck to objects and they lit up. I almost busted out laughing in the theater because you know what they reminded me of?